if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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