I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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