We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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