your thong is hanging out like whoa
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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