also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
