cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
