Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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