You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
