My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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