Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
