I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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