I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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