Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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