We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
