I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you would pick up someone in the library
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
