Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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