How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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