I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
