so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
