love makes seman taste better
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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