there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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