dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
