i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
