i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
As shirtless as possible
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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