I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
