i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
