Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
this is an emotional support booty call
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
