dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
