well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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