The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
