I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I skipped work to stalk him.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
