Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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