first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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