i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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