Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We're too hungover to prance.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
