I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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