in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
