So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
