who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
