Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
