: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
