My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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