it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
