Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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