I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
