Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
