my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
