she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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