her vagine was all disorganized.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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