1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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