My Higher Power is John Stamos
she looked like the before picture.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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