How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
