So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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